Guys. The first thing she is thinking is how does this all tie together in my life. Imagine a bowl full of spaghetti. The long kind that you use a fork and spoon to wrap it around. Think of each piece of spaghetti as a separate area in her life: Friends, family, love, sex, work, schools, kids (even if she doesn’t have any yet), how she thinks she looks (hair, body, face — all of it). She feels the need to tie everything together and see how it fits with all of the other things. (Guys you probably tend to think more like this: imagine a waffle with all the individual boxes. You probably think one box at a time, each area is separate). But she is thinking:
WE JUST HAD SEX — WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
One of the first thoughts is: Do I want to settle for this guy?
If the answer is yes, where does he fit in to all my plans — wedding, kids, career, living arrangements. Hey guys, you are in a relationship — maybe a one sided relationship, but she is in one with you. Or she goes the friends with benefits way. Which is a fancy way to say: I’ve got other things going more important than you, and I’m not ready to settle for you in case there is someone better that will come along, but we can have sex occasionally we will just pretend it doesn’t mean anything to either of us. (Good luck with that)
If the answer is no, she has to think of an explanation for what just happened. I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing. Did we, you know have relations? This was a big mistake, sorry about that. Let’s be friends with benefits. Just close the door behind you, you were a good lay. Whatever the excuse, she has to figure out how this fits into her overall life.
Either way, she will also evaluate the quality of sex. Wow, three minutes of joy for him. I didn’t realize three minutes could seem so long. Or wow, he was awesome (versus her telling you how good you were because you are asking). But if the guy was really good and actually got her hot, she will start thinking — how did he get this good? How do I control him so that I can have this feeling whenever I want it?
Once you start into sex, it isn’t like lighting a fire in a fire place where you have lots of controls. It is like lighting two fires in a dry forest. Keeping both of them under control is much tougher. It isn’t just self control. Now you have two people that need to coordinate what happens. And things happen.