The minister that counseled us before we got married used this illustration. If we assume things about our spouse and how life will work out we make an ass out of u and me
ASS U ME
He was right. Try this if you are dating. Ask each other about ‘fixed patterns of personal behavior’. For example — when you wake up in the morning how do you wake up, an alarm clock, on your own, your mother wakes you up. Which side of the bed do you wake up on? What time do you wake up? Do you jump up out of bed or use a snooze alarm a few times? Then if you use the bathroom, will the seat be up or down? Will the toilet paper roll off the top or the bottom? How long do you take in the shower? Do you shower in the morning? How long does it take you in the bathroom to get ready? Do you eat breakfast? What is your typical kind of breakfast? Who fixes it? Who cleans it up?
You will probably we surprised that the other person does some things different than the way that you do them. What things are fixed patterns that you plan to keep? What things could you change if you were to compromise on some differences? It leads to interesting discussions. It even works to try it with a group of friends.
In Chapter 5 in Song of Solomon the couple have a fight — argument, difference of opinion. She appears to have made nice plans for them for the evening at home. He was working late (the dew on the hair is a good clue). She was doing nice things for them. He was doing nice things for them. They didn’t talk about it ahead of time and work it out. They both assumed that since their intentions were good, that they were right. She was upset at him and gave him a hard time. He was upset with her and went away.
If llife was easy, everyone would be good at it…..