Higher Source ??

Is there a higher source than either one of you?

society/God/friends/parents

The two of you are in a relationship.  Something comes up that you disagree on.  Can you use outside help, or do you settle it by going with which of you can ‘win’ the argument, or disagreement?

If you have a relationship that is like a triangle with each of you one of the lower points of the triangle and  God as the top point, the closer you draw toward him, the closer you draw toward each other.  The way you draw closer to God is to figure out what you need to change in yourself to be more in tune with God, to improve your relationship with him.  The way that seems easiest is to look at the other person and tell them what they need to change.  It seems easy, but you aren’t going to change them.  You aren’t going to change anyone but yourself.  When you have kids you can make them change their outward actions, when they are around you, but you can’t even change them.  The only person you can change is yourself– and that is hard enough.

Notice if you draw closer to God and the other person doesn’t, it stretches your relationship.  There is a risk, but there is a chance to get closer.

If just the two of you are involved in decision making for the difficult things, you can picture it like this.  You are on a teeter totter — oh yeah, those have been mostly removed as unsafe.  Imagine a long board that is balanced on a two foot high fence.  You are sitting close to each other on opposite sides of the fence.  You can use your feet and rock each other up and down. This is kind of fun.  If one of you is lighter you can slide back a little until you balance.

To compare this to decision making, you each use arguments, persuasion, threats, sex or lack of sex, whatever you use when you want your way in the relationship.  Whatever you use is like sliding backward on the board.  Whoever can slide back the farthest makes the other person go up in the air and stay there.  They WIN.   The winner could push off and let the board go back and forth like before, and the other person could touch the ground once in a while, but whoever WON the argument or disagreement can always stop pushing off and leave the other person hanging in the air, feet dangling uselessly in the air.  In the  playground, they are stuck until they figure out how to jump off which isn’t easy, or get someone nice to get on their side with them, or the teacher comes along and makes the winner let them get down.  However it works, the fun is gone.  One of you won the argument or disagreement, but you both lost a little in the relationship.

Play fair, use a higher source, change for the better and give the other person a chance to change too.