Living together

We will try it out, and live together and see if we are compatible.

Nice try.  The outward actions appear the same.  You live at the same place.  You have sex.  You act like a couple.

But inwardly, it isn’t the same.  You both have in mind that this is temporary.  You can put up with little irritations because you know that you can walk out the door at any time.  No legal ties to slow you down.  And in the back of your mind, you know that you haven’t committed to this person.  Maybe it works out and maybe someone better comes along for you.

Now, if you tried living together, and you both agreed not to have sex with anyone, then you would probably get a better feel for how it would work out for you.

I worked with a guy who said one day “I’ve never turned down sex”.  I asked “does that mean you didn’t turn down that nurse when you were in the hospital”  No didn’t turn her down.  “you didn’t turn down your cousin when she was in town for a wedding” No, didn’t turn her down.  A few weeks later he was complaining about his ‘girlfriend’ who wouldn’t leave his house.  As I asked questions, it turned out she had been living with him for 11 years.  He would tell her to leave, go away, I don’t want you, blah, blah blah.  She didn’t’ pay attention to him.  She had a place to live and most of her expenses paid.  If he started into the ‘go away, I don’t want you any more mode’, she would simply say “Let’s have sex”.  He never turned it down, and she will be there as long as she wants.

A final note.  All the couples that I have know that lived together and then ended it had one thing in common.  The nicer and gentler person was always the one that came out worse in the breakup.