If you have been having sex before the wedding, then the wedding night is not really a big deal. Maybe that is one reason people have started spending so much money for the reception. This is one party where they get to be the center of attention. They get to do what they want when they want it. This might be the only time that they ever get to do this. For them, this is the big deal.
If this is the first time that you are having sex, it is a big deal. There is some pressure there. What if he doesn’t like the sex? He has waited all this time and what if i’m not good enough for him? Will I be able to perform? Will she think that I wasn’t holding off because of my respect for her and for myself? Maybe she will think I am secretly gay, or just not interested. Both the man and woman can face the final doubts.
The thing about these doubts is that you can get past them in a few days — the honeymoon idea of being away from all other responsibilities and distractions really helps with this. But those doubts can be blown away quickly. You go from holding back to giving everything to the other person.
There are doubts the other way too. If sex is something you have been engaging in before the wedding, then what did the wedding change? Your partner was having sex with someone they weren’t married to. Sure it was you, and you can tell yourself that it was because you are so special. But, the doubts can creep in as the years go by.
Which would you rather have to fall back on when doubts come about your partner?
They wouldn’t even have sex with me before we got married, or they would have sex with someone they aren’t married to, but I’m so special that they wouldn’t do it.